Smokin Pig From Outta Space
Posted: Mon Jan 04, 2021 1:15 am
Fer New Years after a hard year, I decided on the KISS principle, which translated from English to Texan is basically Less Is More, Dummy (LMD). So the menu started with fresh Appaloosa Beans (blackeyeds) of course, but what gonna go wid dat, like would be said by a Cajun? Aha said he, why pig it’d be, or doesn’t the Pope look like a Polaris Missle? Darn right.
So jumped into the Batmoble, roared over to Costco, and dropped anchor. I approached the door in stride with purpose, clerks scattering like chickens out in front of a ‘59 Ford flatbed with no brakes and no intent to experiment with using ‘em. On back to the meat counter in the back and beat on the window. Pimply faced apprentice butcher sticks his face out.
“Whaddya want?” He sneers.
“Pork bellies, I sez, or you hung up by the toes at Judge Parker’s convenience, which’ll it be?”.
He peers out behind his submarine window glasses, blinks like one of those bug eyed goldfish in a pet store bowl.
“Three cases down old timer” he says.
Really...
“You ever seen a man beaten to death with an English cucumber?” I says.
“Nope.”
“Well, you call me old timer again and you’ll be wondering how to remove one from yer ear, Pilgrim.” “We only got domestic cucumbers” he laughs.
“Son, 80,000 unemployed comedians out there and here you are trying to be funny”.
I retrieved one of the two foot knobby green legumes from my bags and waived it under his nose close enough to hair lip him. “Stand and Deliver!” . And lo and behold, he did.
On to the homestead without further incident, and then rubbed and glazed that pork belly with SB Original and Hogwaller and let it ride for 3 days. Then seared it to seal it and hickory smoked it for 8 hours, with a finishing glaze in the last hour. You fellows are best equipped to judge it.
So jumped into the Batmoble, roared over to Costco, and dropped anchor. I approached the door in stride with purpose, clerks scattering like chickens out in front of a ‘59 Ford flatbed with no brakes and no intent to experiment with using ‘em. On back to the meat counter in the back and beat on the window. Pimply faced apprentice butcher sticks his face out.
“Whaddya want?” He sneers.
“Pork bellies, I sez, or you hung up by the toes at Judge Parker’s convenience, which’ll it be?”.
He peers out behind his submarine window glasses, blinks like one of those bug eyed goldfish in a pet store bowl.
“Three cases down old timer” he says.
Really...
“You ever seen a man beaten to death with an English cucumber?” I says.
“Nope.”
“Well, you call me old timer again and you’ll be wondering how to remove one from yer ear, Pilgrim.” “We only got domestic cucumbers” he laughs.
“Son, 80,000 unemployed comedians out there and here you are trying to be funny”.
I retrieved one of the two foot knobby green legumes from my bags and waived it under his nose close enough to hair lip him. “Stand and Deliver!” . And lo and behold, he did.
On to the homestead without further incident, and then rubbed and glazed that pork belly with SB Original and Hogwaller and let it ride for 3 days. Then seared it to seal it and hickory smoked it for 8 hours, with a finishing glaze in the last hour. You fellows are best equipped to judge it.
...
